


if i could tell you

by AngstBabyJae



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Happy Birthday Jo!, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mutual Pining, Pre-Canon, a lot of ppl were funneling ideas into it so its kinda a mess, im forgetting how to tag all of a sudden
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:26:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23960785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngstBabyJae/pseuds/AngstBabyJae
Summary: “I just want to know who did this to you, Catra! Please!”---When Catra is absent from yet another training session, Adora is thrown off her game.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 119





	if i could tell you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Johannas_Motivational_Insults](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Johannas_Motivational_Insults/gifts).



> Written by: Jaelav3 and Revelation_Dis  
> Idea by: MalachiWalker and Michelle Janine on discord.  
> With varying contributions by: ScoutTheDog on discord and bow_woahh  
> A late birthday gift for: Johannas_Motivational_Insults
> 
> Happy Birthday, Jo! Thanks for all the tears :) have some hurt

“What the hell was that back there?” An agitated Lonnie asked Adora bitterly. Adora gave her teammate an exhausted look. 

“What was what? I thought we did fine,” she said numbly. 

“Fine? You call that fine??” Lonnie shouted, “We got our asses handed to us just now!” she inhaled, “I mean I’d expect this from Catra, but not you!” 

Adora glared at the other teenager, before she turned around to open her locker. “I screwed up. It won’t happen again.” She put her belt inside of the locker. 

“Yeah, because there might not be a next time!” Lonnie snapped. Adora slammed the locker shut, startling those in the locker room. 

“Get off my case!” Adora snapped back. 

“Not if you keep this up,” Lonnie answered back. 

Adora said nothing. Right now, she didn’t have the energy to deal with Lonnie, because that energy needed to be saved for Catra. She started towards the door, but was blocked by Lonnie. 

“Get out of my way.” 

“Adora, listen,” Lonnie started, “I’m just concerned. This really isn’t like you at all.” 

Adora wondered what excuse she could give to Lonnie that would let the other girl back down. “I had an off day, and as squad leader I accept full responsibility,” she answered before pushing past Lonnie who watched her walk away. 

The blonde girl practically stormed towards the barracks, intent on giving Catra a piece of her mind. She had told Adora that she had something important to show her during training, and she seemed quite excited to show her. Why then would she just ditch? Adora thought that Catra might have been injured, but this was Catra she was talking about. Knowing her, she’d probably overslept. 

“Catra, why weren’t you at training today? We didn’t do good at all!” Adora asked, getting Catra’s attention from where she laid grooming herself up on the rarely used top bunk. 

Adora almost caught a bit of hurt in her friend’s face, but it was quickly replaced by irritation. 

“How’s that my fault?” she snapped. 

“You weren’t there, Catra! We’re a team of five and you’re twenty percent of our squad!” 

Catra rolled her eyes, “Pfft, you're a big girl. You can handle a day or two without me there.” 

“Where the hell were you? I thought you had something to show me?” she asked again, getting angrier now. 

“Things change, and that’s none of your fucking business!” 

“Were you napping? Smoking? Was it drugs?” Adora’s look held concern rather than malice. Maybe that’s what frustrated Catra more. 

“Come off it! I don’t have to report to you, you’re not my commander,” she growled. Catra took a pause, her mouth quivering a bit, “Also, you think I just _love_ that my _best friend_ only ever associates me with delinquency?” 

“I’m sorry, but you _ditched_ , Catra! Again! When we needed you! When... when _I_ needed you...” 

Catra’s eyes softened at that. Her tail wrapped tighter around her body a moment before relaxing. She made a little startled sound as Adora hauled herself up and sat next to her in the limited space. 

“I’m sorry, Adora. I know-” Catra took a deep breath, as if the next few words were fire from her lungs, “I know I let everyone down. Again. Like I always do.” She half expected Adora to tell her to stop feeling so sorry for herself. 

“You could never let me down, Catra. At least not in any way that matters. It just... it _sucks_ not having you with me at practice. You’re like my other half, ya’ know? I’m a mess without you.” 

As much as the words warmed her to her very core, she couldn’t help a sense of dread, “Better not let Shadow Weaver hear you say that.” she half-joked with a small chuckle. 

“It’s true. We depend on each other, Catra.” 

“But a Force Captain isn’t supposed to depend on anybody! We can’t afford to be weak little babies who don’t know how to act on our own, not while there’s a war on. This is the real world! No more ‘power of friendship’ bullshit.” 

Adora reached out and gently brushed a lock of hair from Catra’s eyes. She didn’t know what exactly triggered the action, since she knew Catra didn’t take kindly to unexpected touches unless they were rough-housing. She narrowed in on the reflections of the artificial lights in Catra’s eyes. It looked oddly beautiful dancing upon the blue and yellow. Sometimes she wished that she could gaze straight into the magicat’s mind through them. 

“If caring about you makes me weak then I guess I’m doomed to be the weakest Force Captain of all time.” she said no louder than a whisper. 

Her hand lingered at the base of Catra’s ear, making the trouble-maker want to melt into a puddle right then and there. She settled for leaning into the hand wholeheartedly, resting it against her palm and slowly closing her eyes. They stayed that way for a second before Catra finally spoke, opening her eyes to meet her friend’s. 

“That’s gay.” 

She was met with a hard shove. Catra seized up, a jolt of pain surging up her bruised side. Adora almost fell off the bunk laughing. 

“I _am_ gay, you dork!” 

“Whatever!” she blushed, struggling to maintain her composure. Adora only elbowed her again, this time she couldn’t help the whimper that escaped her chapped lips. 

“Did you just wince?” 

Catra stared at her a second like a deer in headlights, “H-ha, um, duh! This is the Horde, it’s not made of pillows.” 

Adora silently analyzed Catra, her face scrunched up in the cutest way. 

“Catra…” she said slowly, carefully, like she was walking on a bed of nails, each word another painful step, “I need you to tell me-”

“I DON’T _NEED_ TO TELL YOU ANYTHING!”

Fuck. She messed up. 

Catra tore out of her embrace, staring at her incredulously.

“Catra, I’m sorry! Let me rephrase that-”

Catra growled, taking up her usual defensive guise.

“I just want to know who did this to you, Catra! Please!”

_“Who do you _think?_ ” Adora didn’t have time to brace herself for the sight of Catra’s bruised ribs as she pulled her shirt up and pointed. The angry red scars seemed to glow ominously brighter, something it only did when freshly…_

_Shit._

_Peeping out from Catra’s waistband seemed to be new, sloppily tended to, lacerations. Presumably from a belt or a whip struck too hard on soft, furred flesh._

_“I-I… I thought she stopped…”_

_“What?”_

_“I mean I haven’t seen… I haven’t seen her use the _whip_ in so long-”_

_She was cut off by a bitter laugh, masking obvious pain._

_“Well, I shouldn’t complain too much,” she snarled, “Not when you had such a _rough_ day at training. Go back to your bed now. You should get some rest. You deserve it.” she tugged her shirt back down quickly and turned away from Adora on the bed._

_“Catra-”_

_“Get off my bunk!” it came out more pathetic than scorned, “Now!”_

_“Shit, Catra, can’t we just be grown about this! Why don’t we start by figuring out what you did and planning ahe-”_

_“GET THE FUCK OFF MY BUNK BEFORE I PUSH YOU OFF!”_

_“-ad so she doesn’t hurt you next time!” tears brimmed in Adora’s eyes. Why did she have to go and ruin everything again like always? She began to shake with the anxiety she often got when realizing that nothing she can say will make things better._

_Seeing the state Adora was in calmed Catra a little, “Please don’t cry, Adora. Please just give me some space, I can’t talk to you right now. Please…”_

_Adora gulped. She climbed down from the bunk with a quivering nod._

“Catra?”

“Huh?” Catra snapped back from the innards of her mind where she was playing the possible scenario in her head. No. She couldn’t do that to Adora.

“I asked you who did this!?” she grabbed her hand in earnest.

“Nobody! It-It’s none of your business, Adora! I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I… I think I want to sleep alone tonight.”

“Oh… O-Okay, I guess. I should have respected your privacy, Catra. I’m sorry. Please stay safe.”

“I’ll try. Goodnight.”

With a final sigh, Adora climbed down for the night.

“Goodnight, Catra.”

Catra stared at the moldy ceiling for a while after that. It was a view she rarely saw, despite this being her own bed.

What would it be like to just be honest with Adora? She liked to think she knew how she’d react, but the truth was that she didn’t. That’s what scared her the most. 

Of course, Adora knew that Shadow Weaver treated Catra cruelly, Shadow Weaver had just been careful not to show most brutal parts of it in recent years. Sometimes Catra thinks it wouldn’t matter if she did. Adora’d still think that this was normal. That all of this was normal. If this was normal, there wouldn’t be such a disparity between how Catra is treated and how others are.

She’d like to be honest about other feelings too. About the warm ones that flutter up inside her whenever the blonde is near.

Her hand moved to her stomach, lifting up her top and gingerly carding her fingers through the singed layer of light fur. Her clawed fingers lightly tracing the lightning paths engrained in her skin.

**_Oh, you poor kitty. Does this _hurt?__ **

**_Catra had mewled in pain as Shadow Weaver tightened her fist, and by extension, the magic that encased her body._ **

**”Good. _Maybe now you’ll know better than to play pranks on your superior officers like a fucking brat.”_**

**_”I-I…”_ **

**_”Out with it, child.”_ **

**_”I-I’m s… sor-”_ **

**_”STOP STUTTERING LIKE A PATHETIC LITTLE ANIMAL AND SPEAK UP!”_ **

**_”I… hate… you!”_**

**_”I took you in, you ungrateful thing. You would be dead if it weren’t for my generosity and you repay me with non-stop subordinance?”_ **

**_”F-Fuck your generosity.”_ **

**_She gave her a cold look through her mask, piercing Catra’s soul and freezing her more than the magic ever could._ **

**_”So be it.”_ **

Sometimes Catra thinks her own screams will never cease to echo in her mind. 

She could never tell Adora the whole story.

Adora would never understand.

This was just how it had to be.

It would be fine. 

Tomorrow, they'd get up, go about their business and everything would be back to normal. 

Just like it always was.

**Author's Note:**

> NOTE:
> 
> i havent figured out how to credit co-creators and once i find out michelle and jem's ao3s i can edit that too.


End file.
